Online Dating and Color: How Hues Affect Your Chances

We’ve talked a lot in the past about how to construct a good online dating profile: what sort of photo to use, what headlines and taglines will get you positive feedback, etc. But online dating goes a lot deeper than the surface. Much like real-world interactions, there’s a psychological element to what we see in an online profile, as well as how we react to it. Much of it is subconscious, but fortunately, there are people who study this sort of thing.

Photo by Hadret

Photo by Hadret

The University of Rochester in New York did some research on color in online dating profiles and found that, when men see a woman wearing red in her profile photo, they are more likely to find her attractive, ask her out and even spend more money on her. A similar study out of France showed that, when researchers digitally changed the color of women’s shirts in profile pics, the photos with red shirts resulted in the most messages sent to the women.

That makes some sense; red is a color associated with love, lust, passion, and other relationship-themed concepts.

What about other colors? James Houran, PhD, a writer for Online Dating Magazine, suggests that blue is actually the best color for a dating profile, as it conveys peace and tranquility, as well as loyalty. We would add that blue is one of those colors that is almost universally flattering (especially turquoise shades, which go well with every skin and hair combination), so it would have a positive impact on most photos. Houran suggests green as a second choice (it’s easy on the eye and conveys a message of nature, fitness, health and wealth) and red as a third.

What color should you probably avoid? That’s simple: yellow. Yellow is not flattering on most people and it’s tough for the eye to perceive comfortably. If a color could be loud, yellow would do it. It can suggest sunshine, carefree fun and other positives, but in the end, it’s probably better to choose another color for your online dating profile outfit.

Keep in mind that the MOST important thing for your online dating profile photo is that you feel comfortable in it. Wear something you like, in a color you like. When people feel positive and confident in what they’re wearing, it shows, regardless of what the color actually is!

“I’ve never tried this, so here goes…” – 6 Dating Profile Cliches and What They Really Mean

If you’ve read more than one dating profile in your life, you know they can be riddled with the same phrases, platitudes and cliches. Over time, they might even begin to run together, to the point where you don’t even see them anymore. This isn’t helpful for making a profile “pop” to the reader, but as it turns out, there’s an actual message behind most of the cliches you see on dating sites. This article from BBC News explores what lies beneath the phrases that you probably ignore. Perhaps next time you read a profile, you’ll be surprised at what you actually learn.

1. “I’m new to this, so here goes…” This phrase may seem innocent at first, but it’s actually illustrating how uncomfortable the writer is with the online dating process. The writer may even think there’s a stigma to using an online dating site, so by saying “I’m new,” he or she is distancing themselves from what they think is a bad thing. They may not actually be new to this, but they are probably not psyched about it.

"I enjoy sunshine, long walks on the beach, and washing my hair in the nearest creek."

“I enjoy sunshine, long walks on the beach, and washing my hair in the nearest creek.”

2. “Seeking my partner in crime.” Despite a somewhat dark phrasing, this is a lighthearted comment. This person is trying to come across as fun to be around, interesting and not at all needy.

3. “My friends say I’m…” If you see this phrase followed by a list of adjectives, it could suggest that the writer is insecure or doesn’t think that highly of himself or herself. Why would it matter what friends say, especially when you won’t actually know if these “friends” are correct until you know the person yourself? Also, lists of adjectives are pretty weak; instead of saying “my friends say I’m funny,” just write something you’d think is funny. It’s way more effective.

4. “Don’t contact me if you can’t tell the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re.'” Yes, grammar is important to some people. But damn, this comes off as obnoxious. First, dating profiles aren’t a place to throw a fit about a nitpicky thing that bugs you. And second, while the writer may think he or she is weeding out the uneducated masses with a grammar quiz, they may have forgotten that anyone with an education higher than middle school has the potential to know the difference between “your” and “you’re.” Knowing how to use those words properly isn’t necessarily a sign of higher education. Rather, it’s a sign that the person paid attention in 7th grade English.

5. “I’m easygoing.” There’s not a lot of deeper meaning behind this, but it’s so useless as a phrase that you can pretty much ignore it when you see it. Think about it: Does anyone really think of themselves as uptight, annoying or high-strung? Probably not. Even high-maintenance people think they’re low-maintenance.

6. “I have a great, successful life, but I just need someone to share it.” Experts suggest that this person isn’t really trying to brag; rather, they’re trying to make it clear that they’re not needy or lonely. They want to explain that they don’t have any major failings as a human being just because they’re using an online dating site. Deep down, they may be one of those people that still stigmatizes online dating and isn’t completely comfortable.

From Winks to Drinks: Four Tips for the First Date

You’ve met someone online that you seem to really click with. You’ve exchanged messages, shared personal details, and expressed an interest in meeting IRL (in real life). Sometimes, this is the biggest hurdle to online dating: taking the relationship from cyberspace to personal space. Here are a few tips to help you make that leap as smoothly as possible.

1. Don’t wait too long to set up an in-person date. Some people email, text and chat for days, even weeks, before they try to venture into a real-life setting, and by then, the pressure is really on. Instead, if you’ve exchanged a few messages and you seem to be a good fit, set up the date now. Waiting doesn’t help anything except to make the other person think maybe you’re not all that interested after all.

2. Pick the right venue. You need to meet somewhere in public for the first time, so you can both be comfortable. Don’t pick someplace trashy or low-brow, like a parking lot or a fast food joint. By the same token, don’t go over the top with a fancy schmancy dinner. Instead, try a trendy bar for drinks, or a fun bistro for lunch. Places like this keep it a bit casual without being TOO casual, and they allow for talking in relative privacy so you can get to know each other better.

A cozy bar is a nice spot for a first date... just watch those drinks.

A cozy bar is a nice spot for a first date… just watch those drinks.

3. Safety first. Women hear this a lot, but it matters to men, too. When meeting someone from the internet for a date, you have to consider your personal safety above all. Meet in person, have a charged cell phone on you, know where the exits are, and NEVER leave your drink alone. Both men and women have been the victims of date-rape drugs and other awful situations, so even if you think you know this person really well already and you can totally trust them, err on the side of caution. It’s worth it.

4. End on a good note. If you like the other person and want to see them again, suggest another meetup before the first one is even over. Something like, “Hey, if you’re free this weekend, I know a great club a few blocks from here.” Then follow up within a day to confirm the plans. If you DON’T like the other person, be straightforward about it. You can say something like, “I’m really glad I had the chance to meet you in person. I’m sorry that I just don’t feel the chemistry that I hoped I would, but I hope you do find the right person!” They might get upset, but at least you didn’t leave them hanging.

If you’re just not sure whether you want to see them again, suggest that you touch base via text or email again soon. You can say something like, “This was fun, I’m glad we could get together. Let’s text later and see how we both feel about doing this again sometime.” Then definitely text the other person within a day or two so they know you weren’t just blowing them off.

Three Tips for a Good Online Dating First Impression: Username, Tag Line and Writeup

Crafting the perfect online dating profile? We can help.

Crafting the perfect online dating profile? We can help.

We’ve covered how important the right dating profile photo is, as well as some great tips for reaching out to other users on dating sites. But when it comes to a first impression, there are even more details that matter, and they start with the smallest of things: your username, tag line and writeup.

According to this article on Oprah.com, there are a few quick tips that will help you maximize your potential for a good first impression. Here they are for you:

1. Your username: Whatever you choose, it’s one of the first things your potential date will see, right before or right after your profile photo. Be very aware of how your username speaks for you. If you’re a woman seeking a serious relationship, a username like “Dcupgal” won’t do you any favors. Similarly, a man looking to impress a wide variety of women may want to steer clear of childish usernames like “420gamerguyy.”

Don’t try to be too clever with your username; if there’s a joke in there somewhere, be sure it’s clear enough for more than just a tiny percentage of the population to get. And finally, don’t try to force a username for yourself if the one you really want is already taken by someone else. “MissMary5693462” is messy-looking and impossible to remember.

2. Your tag line: Many dating sites give you a single line of text to put as your profile’s lead-in, like a headline or status update. This is a chance to catch someone’s eye with your wit, interests or style, right up front. First, remember these can be changed regularly. If you’re looking for something specific in a given week, you can change your tag line to reflect that (something like “Seeking someone to hang at the Shady Mongoose club this week and catch a bluegrass show!”).

Second, try to avoid TOO much cleverness or obscurity in your tagline. Inside jokes are fun when everyone is in on the joke, but those who don’t get it won’t be amused or impressed. You won’t sound smart or educated; you’ll sound pretentious or confusing.

3. Your description/writeup: We’ve talked before about what should go into your writeup, but the style of it matters, too. Break up that wall of text into a few paragraphs, and organize them somewhat. The first paragraph is who you are and what you do; the second is for your interests, pet peeves, etc; and the third is what you’re currently up to, from recent books and movies to things you’d LIKE to do, ideally with a date.

One last thing: Spell check. For the love of Pete, spell check is your friend. Let it help you. Trust us, you’ll be glad you did.

Sussing Out the Truth: Top Ten Lies that Online Daters Tell

"Yep, these are totally my real breasts. Wouldn't lie to you about that, ha ha!"

“Yep, these are totally my real breasts. Wouldn’t lie to you about that, ha ha!”

On the TV show “House MD,” the show’s main character had a saying: Everybody lies. Most of us know this to be at least a little bit true, and if you’ve spent any time in the world of online dating, you know that it’s more common than some might think. Many, many online dating profiles (more than half of them, as it turns out) contain fudged facts, little white lies and outright whoppers in order to make themselves more desirable and, presumably, datable. After all, it’s easy to make up a few things (or leave out a few things) about ourselves when we’re on the hunt for a mate via the web. The internet is an anonymous platform, revealing only what we wish, until real life and in-person meetups bring the whole thing crashing down, of course.

So what are the most common lies told by those on internet dating sites? Huff Post Style did a piece a few years ago about this very topic, and the findings of the referenced study were interesting. As expected, men and women lied about very similar things, although not all exactly the same and not all in the same order. Older people lied less than younger people, and women lied more than men, by about 10 percentage points (and mostly about how they look). Americans lied more than the British people in the study, but in the end, most of the online daters fibbed.

Without further ado, the lists of the most popular lies told…

Top 10 Things Women Lie About on Dating Profiles

10. Saying that they “work in entertainment”

9. Claiming to have an assistant or direct reports under them

8. Claiming to know famous people

7. Claiming to have a fancy, exciting or glamorous job

6. Claiming to have a larger bust than they do

5. Saying they have more money than they actually have

4. Pretending to be taller than they are

3. Claiming to have a “toned” physique

2. Pretending to be a few years younger than they are

1. Saying they weigh less than they do

 

Top 10 Things Men Lie About on Dating Profiles

10. Claiming to work in the “film industry”

9. Claiming to have employees or an assistant

8. Claiming to know famous people

7. Pretending to have an interesting job

6. Saying that they’re higher up at work than they are

5. Claiming to have more money than they do

4. Pretending to have an “athletic” physique

3. Saying they weigh less than they do

2. Claiming to be taller than they are

1. Saying that their job is better than it actually is

 

Dating Sites By the Numbers

fingersThere are more dating sites on the web right now than anyone can count, with new ones springing up or shutting down every day. The site(s) you choose to join may depend on many factors, from overall membership numbers to cost to whether the site supports same sex matchups. Thanks to Wikipedia, we can give you a quick rundown of some of the more popular US online dating sites, in case you’re having trouble deciding on one. NOTE: This is by no means an exhaustive list, and if you’d like more info on these sites or any others, follow the wiki link above.

Match.com

Membership: 96 million registered as of 2009, with 1.7 million active

Free? nope, this one will cost you, both for joining and for messaging other members.

Same sex couples ok? Yes!

eHarmony.com

Membership:

Free? No, you have to pay to join and also to message other members.

Same sex couples ok? No, this is a hetero-only site.

OKCupid.com

Membership: 5.6 million active as of 2010

Free? Yep, this site is free to join and to message others.

Same sex couples ok? Yes!

Plenty of Fish

Membership: 40 million registered as of 2012

Free? You betcha. Free to join, free to message others.

Same sex couples ok? Yes!

Zoosk

Membership: 50 million as of 2011

Free? No, this one costs you to sign up and also send messages.

Same sex couples ok? Yes!

SpeedDate.com

Membership: 9 million registered as of 2010

Free? Parts of it are, but the full site access will cost you.

Same sex couples ok? Yes!

Gay Romeo/Planet Romeo

Membership: 6.7 million registered, over a million active

Free? Communication and profile/page views are free

Same sex couples ok? That’s a stupid question. Yes.

Chemistry.com

Membership: 11 million as of 2010

Free? Parts of it are free, but communicating with other members is not

Same sex couples ok? Yes!

Badoo

Membership: 197 million as of 2013

Free? There’s a free option, but premium services do cost money

Same sex couples ok? Yes!

Ashley Madison

Membership: 17.8 million as of 2013

Free? Partial access for free, but most of it costs

Same sex couples ok? Yes!